my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize