the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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