i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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