"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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