I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?