bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought