I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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