My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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