Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
