That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
