well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
