I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
