Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
