I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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