Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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