haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
why do cheetos always look like penises
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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