Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
