I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
