dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You're like the curious george of whores
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
