I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
