I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
