I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I did not marry a roomba.
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