put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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