i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
