i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
