Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
