I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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