I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize