We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
