i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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