A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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