ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
farters have to be the big spoon...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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