What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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