Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize