There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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