Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
