When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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