god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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