My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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