i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she peed on how many people?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
