Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
