drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm always down for nudity.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
