there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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