need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
