I got chris browned last night
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
