All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
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Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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