So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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