I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
