there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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