my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
