Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
