I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
