I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
