i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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