ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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