our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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