I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
