I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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